Critical connections beyond weight loss
“Purpose is actually a much bigger WHY. It is something that will outweigh every single excuse that your brain can manufacture at any given moment in any situation you find yourself in. ”
- Ericka Thomas
Transcript
Ep 158
People are wired for connection. It’s an evolutionary survival mechanism innate in even the most introverted of us. And it’s repeated from our cultural community and tribal tendencies all the way down to a cellular level in the body. Connection in the context of health and wellness can look like mindfulness practices, building self awareness through meditation and journaling, setting healthy boundaries, improving work life balance, strengthening relationships with family and friends, getting involved in your community, building your own communication and leadership skills, tapping into hobbies and activities that bring you joy.
On the surface those things might not seem as critical to our health as getting our blood pressure under control or lowering our cholesterol and losing weight. But it’s precisely BECAUSE those things are critical that we need to acknowledge the influence that our connection to ourselves and our community has on those more measurable health outcomes. Today we’re discussing the internal and external connections that matter when we’re making changes to our health.
The fact is that all of those things, all of those connections can either make life in our body easier or harder. And they do that through our nervous system and system network. We talked a little about that last week. About how it isn’t always good to play it safe and how trying to stay safe all the time can actually keep us in a hypervigilant state. And when there’s not enough resistance we start to seek it out. Maybe that is taking on a fitness challenge like deciding to run a marathon. Maybe it’s picking a fight with a significant other. Maybe it’s asking for more money at work. Maybe starting a business. Or adopting 2 puppies from the same litter.
People need a little friction in order to grow and get better at anything. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s not supposed to be a big suffer fest either. There’s a happy medium. A line we can wobble along like a weeble wobble between challenge and success.
That’s true with our physical health too.
Because we’re wired for connection we can tap into our internal self awareness and external community to help retrain the nervous system to take the pressure off our body’s network and allow it to give us whatever healing and results we’re looking for.
SO just for illustration let’s take a really common goal in health and fitness, like weight loss, and talk about how to use connection to help us reach our goals. t’s easy to start here because you can measure it and see results.
First can I just say that when we are talking about goals we’re talking about a very linear process. And in my experience things related to the human body with all its systems are often way more complex than the 1+1 = 2 kind of expectations we have when we set goals. So we have to keep that in mind.
Most of us at one time or another have wanted to lose weight. Modern medicine and wellness has convinced us that there is such a thing as a healthy weight and there’s all kinds of charts out there to prove it. I agree, there is probably a healthy weight for each of us, but I think all those charts are too general to be helpful in the long term. Short term they’re a good place for most people to start. Let’s say you want to lose some amount of weight…
So what internal connections matter when we want to lose weight?
Energy- I always start here. If you’ve never stopped to pay attention to how your energy ebbs and flows through the day, now's a good time to notice it. Everything affects it and it’s something we ignore. The assumption being that being tired through the day is “normal”. Here’s some questions to ask yourself…
Do you wake up feeling well rested? Do you drag yourself out of bed with the alarm?
Do you require caffeine? What’s your energy like without it?
Do you need a boost in the afternoon?
Do you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep at night?
Do you feel like taking a nap after you eat?
The answers to these questions can help direct your attention to certain areas that affect weight. Specifically hydration and blood sugar. Both of these things play a role in how the body uses food for fuel. If our energy level isn’t great we need to ask ourselves why? Because the body looks at food as fuel and stores it as fat. Fat cells are stored energy. So that begs the question if we are feeling tired, how can we get the body to release that stored energy? The answers to that question are many. The important thing is we start to become aware of those connections.
Resilience - This is sort of about your stress response but more about how you handle challenges. What are your adaptations to stress ? A challenge could be positive or negative. The fact is things that our body sees as alarming might just be our normal day to day life. Sometimes we put ourselves in situations on the regular that we like, we enjoy, but the body needs to find extra resources for. That doesn’t make it wrong, it just means that it’s something to be aware of. Then there are things that we don’t appreciate like a toxic day to day work environment that keeps us on edge all the time. Or home life, relationship conflicts that we live with. Stress is not good or bad. There’s no judgment on the stressor itself. It’s how we learn to adapt that is sometimes the issue. The body and brain make physiologic adaptations to our experiences and then we assume they are innate parts of our personality. Our temper for example, road rage, withdrawal or isolating behavior, finding comfort in food or eating our feelings, or the opposite. Here’s some questions to consider…
How do you view work/life challenges?
How do you respond to conflict?
How do you let off steam?
What kinds of activities feel like recovery to you?
Do you view exercise as punishment or reward?
How do you handle unexpected events that you can’t control?
There are no wrong answers here and you might think of other questions along the way. One of the resources that I really like is the book Growing the Positive Mind. By Michael Larkin I believe. It’s a quick read and it talks about how to use your personal strengths no matter what the situation is. Even if it’s something totally out of your comfort zone or that you don’t like. I use the concepts I learned in that book to be more mentally and emotionally flexible and that makes all the difference when navigating all kinds of stress from all kinds of sources.
Physically this is important because we can get everything right with diet and exercise and even keep the calories in range but the body won’t drop weight because weight/fat stores are for emergencies and if the nervous system is alarmed then you are in an emergency.
So let’s look at the external connections that can help
1. Support - Most of us have at least one relationship with another person. Friend or family member. If we are going to reach any goal, we are going to need support. If not support then at the very least we need people around us who aren’t going to actively sabotage our efforts. There is nothing harder than trying to diet in a house with a pantry full of chips and chocolate. No one wants to have to cook 2 separate meals. Sure, you can do it but it’s typically not sustainable. So how will you address this? Think about how you socialize. We tend to underestimate the influence our social circle has on us. This is where you might need a little coaching and definitely communication skills. Here’s some things to think about…
Who will I recruit to help me make these health changes?
What do I need to change in my physical environment?
What social boundaries will I need to set for myself? Are these sustainable?
What am I willing to do/change in the short term and how will that affect my support people? Or will it?
Will I need to change my social circle?
How will I respond to social pressure in the moment?
Anyone can do anything for a limited amount of time. That’s especially true of dieting and exercise programs. And that’s why so many are successful and then fail. Because it’s unrealistic to expect people to simply retreat for 6-12 weeks to get to a weight loss goal and then at the end go back to the way they were. We don’t want healthy habits to be so restrictive that you can’t live your life. And while you might need to change some of your life we really are looking to make healthy habits that expand your experience. After all the whole point of getting healthier is so you can go and do and be more than you are right now.
Physically the support of another person or people can help your body recover, calm the nervous system and in turn work more efficiently so you get those amazing results you’re looking for. Being in a community of any kind can be safety. Support makes things easier on the body. We don’t want to fight ourselves all the time and we definitely don’t want to be fighting other people all the time.
2. Purpose - This last one is little overlap between internal and external connection. This one addresses the question “Why?” Why do you want to make these changes? You probably have a lot of little why’s. Most of us do. I want to look better, I want to be X number of pounds, or this size for that event, I want to get faster or be able to hike that trail, I want 6 pack abs or cut shoulders. Those are small process goals that people confuse for purpose. Purpose is actually a much bigger Why. It is something that will outweigh every single excuse that your brain can manufacture at any given moment in any situation you find yourself in. It has to be powerful - to you. Typically purpose comes in 2 flavors. Fear and Love.
Fear is something like I want to lose weight because diabetes runs in my family and I don’t want that for myself. Fear is also I want to lose weight because my numbers at my last check up were scary and my doctor said if I don’t lose weight I’ll be on medication for the rest of my life.
Love is something like I want to lose weight because I want to be able to get down on the floor and play with my grandbabies. Love might also be I want to lose weight because it’s time for me to put myself first.
But usually a purpose is some combination of the 2. I don’t think one is better than the other as long as it’s powerful for you.
-What is your purpose? What is your big WHY?
We can expect that that purpose might change over time and as we see results. Results are big motivators of course but when we give ourself a big purpose then the specific results don’t matter as much. When we hit plateaus they won’t know us off track. If we slip up we can get right back in. We can learn and adapt as we go and create lasting, lifelong health and wellness changes.
And it might just be my opinion but ultimately that’s really the point of making all these connections, isn’t it?
This wraps up our Cat5 challenge series. You can still download your 5 category tracker and find the show notes at savagegracecoaching.com/theworkin We’ve got a new series coming up with Colleen Jorgensen where we’ll be discussing body and nervous system topics and then following that with practical application for instructors and fit pros. So stay tuned!
Thanks for listening! See you next time on The Work IN.
Hey there!
I’m your host Ericka Thomas. I'm a resilience coach and fit-preneur offering an authentic, actionable realistic approach to personal and professional balance for coaches in any format.
Savage Grace Coaching is all about bringing resilience and burnout recovery. Especially for overwhelmed entrepreneurs, creators and coaches in the fitness industry.
Schedule a free consultation call to see if my brand of actionable accountability is right for you and your business.