Creating your own Lovely Universe with Kaelin Vu
The Lovely Universe
Transcript
Trigger warning***Please note that this episode contains references to sexual abuse and addiction.*** Please put yourself first.
Kaelin Vu 0:08
But there was one day in particular that I was sitting in my room on my bed. And I thought to myself, I, I don't want to die knowing that I never tried.
Ericka Thomas 0:21
Welcome to the work IN your guide to natural ways out of stress, tension and trauma and the work in is brought to you by kinetic Grace resilience, kinetic grace is an online program designed to teach safe self regulation of the stress response through the body using trauma release exercise guided body awareness, and the breath. The program includes private instruction, exclusive access to certify providers and 30 days of group classes. And because it's online, kinetic grace is available anywhere you are. Enrollment is open now. Visit elemental kinetics.com to learn more.
Welcome back to the work IN your guide off the battlefield of stress, tension and trauma through new and different perspectives on health and wellness. I am your host Ericka Thomas and today we are talking to Kailyn Vu.
Kailyn specializes in helping women reclaim their power after trauma. She's a life coach podcaster and life enthusiast, her journey to help others began with her own challenges. And as a result of her life experiences, she experienced very low self worth and self confidence. Now she shares the wisdom that she learned along the way of healing herself with others. Her mission with her podcast and life coaching service is to help as many women as possible. Feel unequivocally empowered to be their authentic selves. By connecting with their own self love. Please welcome Kailyn Vu.
Hi Kailyn How are you?
Kaelin Vu 2:02
Hi Ericka, thank you so much for that intro. It's so nice to be here with you today. It's what I'm so excited to talk to you again,
Ericka Thomas 2:10
This is a part of a little bit of a collaboration between the two of us so I'm super excited to see where this conversation goes.
Kaelin Vu 2:19
I'm really excited too, I'm so excited because I've done so many interviews, and also been interviewed but it's always fun being on the other end too.
Ericka Thomas 2:29
Yes. Well, let's get started, let's dive right in. And I'm really curious about your journey Kailyn. You have really embraced your life experience as wisdom, and you've let it lead you into podcasting and to coaching others. So I'd love to hear your story. Can you share that with us now?
Kaelin Vu 2:54
Yeah, yeah, I'll try to start from the beginning. So, well, when I was three months old, was when my mom first abandoned me. And then, you know, growing up, my dad is incredible and I love him so much. He's a great person, a great dad, but he wasn't emotionally available in the ways that I needed him to be.
And I have, and then I had a nanny that was really my mom I call her my mom, and she was really my caretaker 24 Seven, like, pretty much, and that she wasn't the most vigilant caretaker that led to me getting sexually abused for a period of time when I was about five years old.
And then, just from those experiences alone were like, hugely traumatic in my life, and like, those are the biggest things that happened to me when I was a kid.
But then, like, you know there's other things and then growing up and got a little bit older. I was really in so much pain. I think I was just holding on to so much trauma and pain I got addicted to drugs, alcohol, partying, and I was like not really on a good path. You know, I was not on a good path, and then it took, reaching like such a far rock bottom, like, literally I knew if I kept going in the direction I was going I was going to die. That's, that's how bad it was that I realized I had to make a change.
And once I hit that rock bottom, and I made the decision that I want to make a change, I moved out. I cut off all my friends, got clean off drugs, started focusing on school, got a new job, started reading, going to the beach and spending that alone time to go inward and heal myself, and then learn. And that's when I started to actually get a lot better.
Actually, like, I was healing myself, and from that is when I started getting the idea like maybe if I can help myself I can help other people too. And so I started having this idea about having a blog. My dad actually gave me this book full of passive income ideas and I flipped to this page that said, blogging and podcasting. And I guess it was just meant to be.
I started doing research and development into having a blog. And so I started my website with the $400 I had saved up in my bank account. And it was really scary. I was really nervous to share my you know my wisdom. Because I was doing research for like six months or so, maybe, and I was still nervous. But there was one day in particular that I was sitting in my room on my bed, and I thought to myself, I don't want to die knowing that I never tried. And so I started my pod, no my blog and I was also posting podcast episodes on there, but it wasn't really hosted or anything it was just on my website.
It wasn't for another eight more months that I started podcasting, full more full time and like getting actually hosted and distributed to other platforms, but to move to move along. I started coaching school. I think everything kind of stemmed from helping myself learning like going to research to figure out how I could help other people too. And I'm really big on self love, because that's what I had to learn so much.
Ericka Thomas 7:10
First of all thank you for sharing your story and what an amazing journey from beginning to end. nobody, nobody reached in and, and pulled you out. You found this path, yourself, and moved out of it on your own and it is, it is really a powerful testament, and what an amazing message from the universe that you came to that realization that, you know, you didn't want to die knowing that you hadn't tried, and that is just such a powerful, powerful statement and motivation. When I say motivation for doing something, it doesn't seem strong enough, in this case. I mean that's, that's like the big reason that that overcomes every excuse that you could possibly come up with right for not doing whatever it is that you want to do, and we all need that we need a big deep why that that outweighs everything else. And I think that that is a beautiful thing. But you've led right up into my next question about self love, because this is really where all of your coaching stems from to reclaim self love after trauma. And I wonder if you could say a little bit more about that because I'm curious about what role that self love and confidence play in healing trauma.
Kaelin Vu 8:49
Absolutely. So, a lot of people who have been through trauma have mindsets and beliefs that I'll just give an example that might make sense. So let's say, a woman was in foster care and she was abused by men all her life. She might for example go into relationships. After relationships where she's becoming abused because she has a maybe a mindset or belief that she deserves this kind of treatment. And so what I would do is help her strengthen her self love and confidence after trauma to help her reclaim her power back and embrace the love that she does deserve, and not that kind of love.
So a lot of people who have been through trauma don't want to rock the boat, they don't want to make people uncomfortable, they can have really low self esteem, a lot of people can talk down to them, they might not be able to stick up for themselves or set boundaries. So I'm really, really good at helping them do that.
And also my job isn't necessarily to dig too deep in the past, you know I’m not a therapist that has focused on the past. But we do talk about the past and how that has played a role in their lives. Immensely. And we, We get through those, we figure out how it's been showing up in their lives. And then we find if there's any patterns in our blocks or assumptions/interpretations that they're creating around it, that is also still present in their lives. And so we really dissect down the situation's into really smaller digestible pieces that's easier to understand. And then we figure out a way to move forward and create action plans. And all of this is actually ideas...I’m their thought partner. They're the ones that are really doing the work, and I recommend things if I feel like, you know it's super vital, but most of the time, my clients actually come up with the ideas themselves.
Ericka Thomas 11:04
Yeah and that's so much more important for them. As far as coaching I think sometimes people forget that as, as coaches, we're really just there to be a sounding board, and that the client really has to come up with the solution on their own. Those are much more long lasting for people in the end, if they come from your own inner wisdom than from somebody else telling you what to do.
Kaelin Vu 11:34
Yeah, I wholeheartedly believe that everyone already knows what they have to do. They've just had to go inside and listen to their intuition
Ericka Thomas 11:44
That's hard to do though, right, coming out of trauma because, you know, there's a lot of adaptation that happens. Especially if the trauma has started at a very, very young age, and we're all just just humans and we're just trying to adapt to our environment and if that environment was difficult, those adaptations kind of become who we think we are. And so, it's not always who we are, who we really are, right, it's, it's about getting under there to kind of reintroduce yourself to your real authentic self.
Kaelin Vu 12:22
People who, absolutely, people who have been through trauma, it's so hard for them to be still be quiet because we're constantly trying to run away. We don't want our minds to be quiet because right. We've been shoving away these painful memories, these painful feelings and experiences that we don't want to confront, but the second that we do confront it. It's the release, and we can move forward.
Ericka Thomas 12:52
Nice, Nice, nice. So as part of your coaching service you use something that you call an Energy Leadership Index assessment, and I'm really curious about that because I hadn't heard of that before. Can you explain a little bit about what that is and how you use it to help your clients.
Kaelin Vu 13:13
Absolutely. Thank you so much for asking this question I'm so excited about that your ELI assessment really is incredible. So it's based on the seven levels of energy, so everybody has seven levels of energy. The first energy is the victim that someone who just bows down their head to life doesn't want any part of it, and feels like they're at the mercy of everything and everybody.
Second is conflict. That's someone who tends to not be able to work well with other people, they will always butt their heads. Third is. We will categorize it as a mixed bag of anabolic and catabolic energy. Catabolic is the energy that produces catabolic hormones which break your body down and anabolic builds your body. And in this third level, people are able to get along with each other and work with each other but it's not necessarily in a, the most constructive or positive way possible, they're just able to get it done.
And then, in the fourth level of energy that's where somebody is, let's say for example, a Helper, a giver, someone who loves that. It's a pretty good energy level to be at. And then at the fifth level of energy is someone who is a Leader, someone who takes initiative, usually these people lead the teams, they're very innovative. Six is synergy. This is when everything moves together in perfect flow, and seven is. Think of it as genius. When someone has those incredible moments where they're like, it's like a flash of insight that is just pure genius, you know.
It's not so the seventh level of energy is not attainable at all times, but we can tap into it. And most people are actually level 3 and this is why a lot of actually corporate places are not the most healthy places to work in. One of the things that we do as coaches is work with companies to raise their overall energy levels. So, if someone, if, if a company is said say at example level two, where there's always conflict everywhere. So, it's important to actually know that when the leader, let's say the CEO or some of the top executives, whoever's the biggest leader once they start raising their level of energy, the company starts to follow. So, when that company starts raising their level of energy. Do you want to notice a lot more increase and everything good, let's put it that way.Better communication, better teamwork, better productivity. So, and then that same goes for people okay so let's go back to the assessment.
Assessment is essentially, think of it like a short personality test. It shouldn't take any longer than about five minutes, you just answer whatever quick answer comes to you first. And it's amazingly accurate at telling you, your, your energy level energy resonating level on a good day a regular day, and then your energetic stress response.
So,so it's important to know where our energy is on a good day, because we can have that awareness as well. But you, it's also important to know what our energetic stress response is, because with that awareness, then we're able to make better decisions. So, for example, for me, I'm about a level 4, for most days. And then on an energetic stress response I go down to like level one. And that's not all. That's not like something like that's every day, you know. But it's possible and it happens. And so when you have that awareness, you're able to better control yourself and figure out how to get out of it.
So, in the energy level assessment first we'll talk about filters, perceptions, how we view the world. Like we will, if we look at the world through a blue lens we see the world is blue, if we look through it as green we see the world is green. And then we'll talk. You know, those kinds of things and we'll talk about anabolic energy catabolic energy. Now we'll go through each of the seven levels of energy, individually, so we'll talk about exactly what it means, in detail, and then we'll talk about what yours is. And how is this showing up for you. And so, do you want more of this, do you want less of this, how is this helping you in your life, how would it help you have less of it in your life, and we're really getting a good idea of how this energy level is working for you in your life.
So we go through, all the way one through six. And then after the and I'm taking notes the whole time. And I send my clients, a detailed email, full of notes that you know they can have forever, and it's honestly so helpful to have this assessment, because it helps me know where you are right now, and it helps me know what you can work on and what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are and it's amazingly accurate.
Ericka Thomas 19:05
Yeah, that is, it's just a it's a great way to kind of reframe how you see yourself and your behavior. Would you agree?
Kaelin Vu 19:18
Absolutely. I've good friend of mine told me, the best way to control yourself is to know yourself. And so when we have this awareness I just think that in coaching or personal development in general awareness is so key. When we have that awareness, we're able to make the changes if we don't know we don't know when we'll stay the same.
Ericka Thomas 19:39
Yeah, absolutely. And that's, that's really, you know, what we're encouraging people to do is to kind of level up a little bit at a time, you have to know where you're starting to be able to take a step forward
Kaelin Vu 19:52
for sure. Exactly. It's also like so nice to take assessment like every few months, or whenever you want to take a new assessment to just see where you are and check in with yourself. See how you made progress. Or maybe, you know, just see how you're doing, it's pretty cuz you know I've had colleagues, they take the assessment and then about a year later they take it again, and they're pleasantly surprised that maybe they are. I don't like to say better or worse, but maybe that they've improved intentionally in a few areas and you can see, you can see it and makes it tangible.
Ericka Thomas 20:33
Yeah and it's, it's about what people really want to invite into their life, right, so it would be difficult for you to say better or worse, right, because it's all an individual, how that individual perceives what they're bringing in. Exactly.
Kaelin Vu 20:53
Yeah, I think, or I feel like in coaching, good and bad are so relative, because every person is exactly where they're meant to be there is no good. There is no bad. This is what's perfect for them. Yes, so, you know what I mean like, this is the life experience that they need.
Ericka Thomas 21:13
That's great, that's a great way to say it the life experience they need. Exactly, yeah. So one of the things that you help people with is something that you call self inflicted challenges. And I'm wondering if you can explain what that means for folks, and maybe share some examples about how to work through something that would be a self inflicted challenge.
Kaelin Vu 21:41
Sure, sure. So, usually when we're little kids usually or it could be any age but usually will create a thought or believe that. Let's say you. You were always you, maybe you lived in a not so great of a neighborhood, and you never felt safe. And so you always felt like you had to protect yourself and then you grow up and you get older and you maybe don't need to always protect yourself and be on such a high alert anymore, but you have that stored in your body that belief that you need to protect yourself, you're on the high alert always having anxiety. And so I feel like that is a self inflicted challenge when we keep holding on to those challenges for ourselves. And so we still release things like that.
I mean there's so many different ways, but I think the first step is acknowledging it, accepting it without judgment, letting it go. If it's a gremlin or inner critic, you know, let's say for example, somebody told us that if we ever got married, we would get married to the wrong person or something, right. and then, so we grow up and try not to look pretty, or something like that to avoid something happening in our lives. I would say that's a self-inflicted challenge, and if that that could be us possibly telling ourselves that we're not pretty or something of the sort.
We could name that Gremlin. Let's say we'll name it. Keisha, Keisha is the I'm not pretty Gremlin. Talk to Keisha, and we'll talk to Keisha like hey I don't need you anymore you served your purpose in my life, but I don't need you anymore, you're good to go. I, I can handle this myself, I'm an adult now. This is what I would like you to do for me. I would like you to support me, I would like you to love me and guide me, but I don't need you to hold me in fear anymore. I don't need you to tell me I'm not pretty enough because I know I am. And talk to it like it's an outer entity, it's not part of you.
Ericka Thomas 24:11
That's like next level awareness, if you can name that inner critic or like I said Gremlin right they could be, you could have a lot of them might be a whole family living in there, right.
Kaelin Vu 24:27
Yeah, usually people have at least one major inner critic, at least one sometimes 1, 2, 3 or more, but at least one major one.
Ericka Thomas 24:42
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's fascinating. Yeah. So tell me about, Dear Lovely Universe, your podcast. I want to hear more about where that came from and how you are using it to further your mission.
Kaelin Vu 25:06
Absolutely. Thank you so much for asking that question. I get so excited to talk about my podcast. So, yeah, oh my gosh, I always knew once I started that this was going to be for everything. It wasn't like I was just doing it for attention, or for the short term like this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to give myself a voice and a platform to help people who are suffering, that's where this whole thing has started. And so I started my podcast about two years ago, like, you know, it was first on my website. I wasn’t even hosting it. It started with friends and anyone who would be really willing to get on my show.
Ericka Thomas 25:54
We all start there Kailyn, it's okay. Yeah. Oh, man,
Kaelin Vu 26:03
I gotta learn the technical thing right audacity and put everything on YouTube how to market yourself anyway, so. So in my first season, I was putting out really great content. Nevertheless, but it was really general, spirituality, Health, Wellness purpose, all of these things, which is great, but, um, it wasn't narrow enough.
I didn't know exactly what I was doing or what I wanted to do but I just knew that I wanted to do something so at least I was doing something, you know. I was still helping people. And then once I graduated coaching school was when I just had to get really real with myself. What direction do I want to go, where do I, how do I want to help people exactly, you know. Because there's so many coaches. There's so many podcasts, there's so many people doing personal development, like, I really want to nail something on the head.
And then I just, I think that I was trying, I might have been a little scared me to get into, like, labeling myself, but I think once I did, I, I had to put the shoe on and and then it fit, you know.And so once I started, I realized, Hey, I'm a self love coach I've known this all along. I need to just embrace it. And, and so with my podcast I've had days, you know, where, when I started I wasn't getting a lot of traction, like I would go from like 60 downloads per episode. And then back down to 20 and then back up and then back down. It was like, it took a long time. It took a long time to really feel like I was getting traction.
And to be honest, I hired a what's it called, an assistant and she helped me get guests onto my show, and some, some of these guys were like had 1000s of followers, 10s of 1000s they were really big, and like, this is like in the first year, I think, of having my podcast and I was just shocked at why I want to come on to my show, you know, but I was so happy but nervous and all of these emotions.
And she, she had more confidence in me than I had in myself that I wouldn't have reached out to those people. So that really helped me have more confidence in my show. And I, you know, really pretty produced some really great episodes. So that, I think that with her help, I might have not gotten as close to this place that I am now. But, um, she really helped me have more confidence.
So, yeah, now I'm focusing on helping women strengthen their self love after trauma and reclaim their power back. And all of my episodes have to do with loving yourself, setting boundaries. I do Lovely Motivation Monday videos where I answer one self love tip and are sorry I give one self love tip and answer one self love question, and then on Friday, so those are posted on Mondays and then on Fridays. I post solo episodes, and guest interviews. I've done over 70 At least interviews by now, and I've, man, it the journey has just been amazing and I really felt like having a podcast has changed my life. I think that by having my podcast. It made me realize that this is what I want to do with my life. There's nothing else I want to do with my life other than to just share this knowledge with people and genuinely help people, connect with people and build a community that supports each other. And there's really I just love it, obviously.
Ericka Thomas 30:10
Well I can tell. Kailyn that you are, your enthusiasm is absolutely contagious. It's brilliant. And you are building a really incredible body of creative work, and it is, it is really really an amazing, amazing mission that you have, and I am so pleased to be a part of it. Thank you so much.
So Kailyn Ii would love to share with my audience how they could get in touch with you. Is there anything new or really exciting that you want to share with us today that places where we can send people if they want to work with you. Are you taking new one on one clients, what do you have going on?
Kaelin Vu 31:04
Yeah, I'm more than happy to see how I can help you. If you have any challenges with you're self love, if you just want someone to talk to, or even just to see if we might be a good fit. Go to my website, www.Kaelinvu.com and I also have a free guide to self love after trauma on my website, it's a 30 minute audio book with the free download that you get by signing up for my newsletter.And I am going to be posting a lot more resources there and when you sign up for my newsletter, you're going to get updates on my podcast you're going to get updates on my upcoming webinars. Free tidbits of wisdom here in there, I will never spam you, I'll never share your information. You can find my podcast Dear Lovely Universe on any streaming platform. Apple podcasts Pandora, Spotify, you can find me on Instagram at Dearlovelyuniverse.
I have an incredible community, really, they’re so amazing and they show up every day they show for each other. We call each other the dearest lovelies, and I would love for you to be part of it.
But yes, you can head over to my website Kaelinvu.com And actually on the top right hand corner it says get started, you can book, right there, an appointment with me to see if we're a good fit. And if we are, we can get you on the schedule, take care of payments, and really invest in yourself. So, let's do this.
Ericka Thomas 32:52
Beautiful. Thank you so much Kailin, I really enjoyed our conversation today. Thank you so much for being on the Work IN.
Kaelin Vu 32:59
Thank you so much for having me, Ericka, I really appreciate you.
Ericka Thomas 33:03
Thank you so much for listening today and if you like what you heard anyone to learn more, head over to elementalkinetics.com where you'll find all the show notes from today's episode, along with all kinds of free resources to help you stop working out and start working in. Take care.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Links
Sponsors
Ericka Thomas Host of The Work IN and Certified trauma release provider
I’m Ericka
I coach warriors. Guiding outstanding individuals off the battlefield of trauma for lasting resilience to all sources of stress, tension and anxiety. Join me as we explore natural balanced ways to work through the body to re-establish safety in the body and find recovery - for the body, mind & spirit.
I offer online courses, memberships and private sessions using the fundamentals of trauma release exercise and yoga.
Click below to schedule a call to discover if Kinetic Grace could be right for you.