Standing up for your own ethical voice
Transcript
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Hey there Welcome back to The Work IN
Last week we got a chance to discuss burnout and scaling your business with Dr. Lance Knaub. And there’s a term I use in my coaching that we touch on in that episode and I’d like to discuss it today. In Savage Grace Coaching we offer resilience classes , workshops and professional development for individuals, fitness professionals and wellness providers who want to burnout proof themselves, their clients AND their business with a creative, trauma sensitive approach to wellness.
We do that through a movement based approach that uses trauma release exercise and yoga as well as a specific trauma informed framework called kinetic grace integration.
In last week's episode Dr. Knaub mentioned that he really like the phrase “burnout proof”. I like it too. That’s why I use it. Most people have an idea of what burnout means for them (and it’s a little different for each of us) and that word “proof” in this context means protection from.
Recently I had a quick audit done on my website. Everyone once in a while I get it in my head that because I’ve done so many things in my business myself that they’re somehow not professional or they need to be better. (that’s my inner perfectionist coming out) So I had a website designer look over the site and give me some ideas.
She had some fantastic advice. Some really good suggestions about how to make it more clear and concise. And I really appreciated having some fresh eyes on it.
BUT
She also made a comment on the phrase “burnout proof” but her concern was that it was an (apparently) impossible and therefore unethical claim.
So I’m still mulling this over.
I suppose if you believe that everyone experiences burnout physically, mentally and emotionally AND it’s ALWAYS inevitable no matter what you do, then perhaps when you see something that tells you that it can burnout proof your body and business that might feel like snake oil. Misleading or even a bald face lie.
I don’t believe that’s true. Burnout might feel inevitable especially for fit pros the way the industry is set up, but i don’t believe it has to be that way.
If you know how to navigate your own stress curve and have built up an arsenal of personalized skills to help release stress and tension that have proven effective for you, in other words you’ve done your work and figured out what works for you and can use those skills whenever you need them, then you can become essentially burnout proof.
Just like being resilient doesn’t mean you won’t experience stress, burnout proof doesn’t imply there won’t be burnout potential times in your life. It simply means that you have the understanding and skills to insulate yourself from it in ways that work for you.
The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes in our desire to make the “right” decisions in business is sometimes rooted in our fear of making a “wrong” decision, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by too many voices.
I’m bringing this up because I’m just coming through a rebrand that would not have been necessary had I listened to my gut in the first place. Unfortunately my gut was the one voice I refused to listen to. I had no confidence in it when I first started. So I listened to everyone else. My husband (bless his heart), friends, podcasts, coaches.
The loudest voices are sometimes the last ones who matter. They’re the folks who aren’t your ideal client, have no skin in the game, have no idea what you do or why you do it and usually don’t know you at all.
Occasionally the opposite is true also, loud voices can come from people very close to us who are afraid of change and or are trying to keep you safe.
There are a lot of decisions that need to be made in any business. (hence the black turtleneck) When you’re just getting started it’s really difficult to sift through all the advice out there. We all want to do the right thing. And no one wants to make a mistake. Especially one that will cost you beaucoup dinero.
But listen, there is no decision that you can make that can’t be changed. That includes what you say and how you say it.
There’s a big movement in online business (particularly women owned business) to focus on ethical copywriting and ethical sales. And it speaks directly to a specific female business owner's pain point. Many women entrepreneurs carry a lot of money mindset baggage around asking for a sale and the number one thing they don’t want is to be that sleazy salesperson.
There are a lot of ethical sales and copywriting coaches running courses advising people to not push on pain points in their sales copy. Because for some reason it’s no longer ethical to make people feel bad about not buying our thing by pointing out the problem it solves or mentioning why they might need it. These coaches are making a lot of money preaching directly to this pain point.
I’m all for ethical sales and sales pitches. But you can get there quicker by simply being honest and direct when you speak to people. We don’t do ourselves any favors by dancing around what we offer or worse not explaining why it might solve a problem. Being clear with our language is far better, even if the language might make someone somewhere uncomfortable.
So let’s talk a little about language, specifically hot button words or triggers.
As a yoga instructor throughout my training for trauma informed classes I spent a lot of time restructuring my language to remove most of the negative phrasing and any words that might bring attention to or trigger fear or anxiety. So here are some of the words that we try to remove…
Don’t
Stop
No
Quit
Can’t
And others. Why do we avoid those words? Because when you hear them even in the context of a positive sentence, the subconscious only hears the negative. We’re already wired to the negative. Negative reactions tend to protect us and keep us safe. There’s nothing wrong with framing our speech in positive ways as long as it’s clear and our people understand what we’re trying to tell them.
There are some other words that trauma informed instructors are encouraged to avoid. (see what I just did there?) Words like pain, danger, dangerous, fear or afraid, hurt, injury. We replace them with words like challenge or resistance. There’s nothing wrong with this either again as long as we’re being understood.
It’s also important to understand that there’s nothing wrong with calling something what it is. It’s important (maybe the most important thing) to acknowledge pain as pain. Fear as fear. Injury as injury. It’s ok to name those things and look at them with clear eyes.
In the world of trauma informed training and care this is actually a critical piece to building resilience. The brain makes meaning and story around our experiences, emotions and physical responses that are designed to give you a pattern of response so that you can stay safe anytime those things come up again. Just like pain, the stress response from trauma, while always protective it’s not always accurate for the current moment because it’s always based on the past.
Knowing this as an instructor we need to be aware that it’s impossible to protect our students from any and every negative feeling that might arise from a physical posture or from the language you use in class. Same goes for the words you use on your website or on your sales copy. And frankly our responsibility for how others receive our message can only extend so far.
It’s impossible first of all to guess everyone’s triggers and remove them and second that’s not the point of trauma-informed resilience training. Instructors that try to do that are kind of like a helicopter parent. And end up standing in the way of our student’s/ clients' self efficacy.
Let’s clarify some common misconceptions about labels.
Trauma informed/ trauma sensitive - as an instructor or human - doesn’t mean that you will never trigger someone or be triggered. Nor does it mean that when people work with you they won’t feel stress, tension, anxiety or any number of other difficult mental, physical or emotional responses. It means that you will be with a guide who can help you practice using skills and tools to retrain and eventually replace patterned responses so that when you feel those things you know that you can handle it.
I’d like to say that everyone who uses that label to describe what they do is qualified and has a certain level of experience but instructors are human too. We are talking a little about ethics here and I hate to say it but not everyone is as honest as they could be. As a part of setting healthy boundaries for ourselves we each also need to take responsibility for vetting the people we work with.
Pain Care/Pain Management - in movement, wellness or health care - Is a good way to illustrate my point. The goal isn’t the complete absence of pain. Healthy doesn’t equal pain free nor does pain free equal healthy. Pain, just like trauma, is a part of the human condition. It's part of the human experience. It’s not just physical. Pain can be mental and emotional too and each of those 3 can affect the others.
It’s like living in a really small apartment with 2 other roommates. No matter what you won’t be able to keep your stuff separate. Physical, mental and emotional selves can influence each other in positive and negative ways. When you see the words pain care, you know that you’ll be learning how to use those 3 selves to influence pain levels and give you more self efficacy and confidence living in your body.
Burnout proof - personally or professionally - Burnout means something different for everyone. When I was in burnout physically no one looking from the outside would have noticed and professionally it just looked like a lot of job searches where I didn’t have to wear yoga pants. When someone says “proof” does that mean complete protection? Or does it mean that that thing whatever it is won’t happen? Bullet proof doesn’t mean you won’t get shot at, it doesn't even mean you won’t be injured when you think about it. It’s simply a layer of protection. And that is the same with burnout proof.
Unlike a bullet proof vest, you CAN burnout proof yourself and your business with Awareness, Boundaries, and Connection practices and processes so you either a. Don’t get to the point of burnout b. Recognize it so you can take steps to recover in real time.
Resilience - being resilient - doesn’t mean you never feel stress, tension, trauma or anything else that might be overwhelming. It does mean that you have the skills and tools and confidence to grow out of and through those states. Because let's face it, bad shit happens to everyone. None of us will get out of this life without some bumps and bruises, scrapes and scars. Those things are what make us human, they make us who we are and interesting individuals. They shape us and give us something valuable to add to this world. But it’s up to each of us as individuals to decide what we want to keep as the MOST interesting thing about us.
Do words matter? Yes. definitely. They can be powerful. Is it important to gather information from respected people in your field. Yes. definitely. Is there such a thing as best practice? Yes. absolutely. But best practice doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY practice.
There comes a point where you have to stop listening to the experts and start doing. Stop collecting advice from others and start listening to your gut.
Will you make mistakes? Most likely. You’ll learn too. Faster than any 6 month course that’s trying to coach you into some kind of woke mold that looks just like everyone else.
It’s scary. I know. We all want validation that we’re doing whatever it is that we’re doing, right. When really we just need to learn how to do it scared.
Speak clearly. Say what you mean. Be honest about who you are and what you offer and your intentions. Ruffle a few feathers along the way. It’s ok. It’s ok to stand for something. To have a different perspective, to try out different ideas and to change your mind.
And if you need a reminder, talking about what you sell and the problem it solves isn’t tricking anyone into doing anything they don’t want to do.
You’ve got this! Go change the world starting with yours.
Thanks so much for joining me today on The Work IN. I’m so grateful for each and every one of you! I’d like to invite you to savagegracecoaching.com and offer you my free guide to HOLDING SPACE. Holding space is just a fancy way to say co-regulation which is something we do all the time with other people without even realizing it. This is a pivotal part of my Kinetic Grace Integration trauma sensitive framework for instructors and it’s totally FREE. Just go over to Savagegracecoaching.com and click the banner at the top of the page or the pop up and it’s all yours! Feel free to browse around through any of the other free resources available there and when you’re ready, let’s connect. You can find me on social Facebook, Insta and Linkedin or reach out and schedule a free consult to explore how we can work together.
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