Surviving complex trauma & domestic violence with heart with Agape Garcia
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Confronting Domestic Violence
“Be Your Incredible Self is not just about the mind. It's also about your core, your heart. You have to have heart. The strength comes from your heart.”
Agape Garcia
Transcript
Agape Garcia transcript
Agape Garcia 0:03
And it's a lonely space. It's a lonely place. And then all you could do is ask, you know why? And I could only do that for so long doing that keeps you there because sometimes you don't have answers for other people's actions. They are, what they are. It's about what you can do and what you're going to do with yourself.
Ericka Thomas 0:21
It's time to stop working out and start working in. You found the word podcasts and their health conscious clients. This podcast is for resilient wellness professionals who want to expand their professional credibility, shake off stress, and thrive in a burnout proof career with conversations on the fitness industry, movement, nutrition sleep, mindset, nervous system has yoga, business and so much more. I'm your host Ericka Thomas. I'm a resilience coach at offering an authentic, actionable, realistic approach to personal and professional balance for coaches in any format. The working is brought to you by Savage Grace coaching, bringing resilience through movement, action and accountability. private sessions small groups and corporate presentations are available now. Visit savage Grace coaching.com To schedule a call and get all the details. Welcome back to the work in everyone. What we're talking about today is real world resilience. And we need that more than anything else because the truth is that there's no way to completely avoid trauma in the past. If you lived through a traumatic event or overcome a traumatic childhood and were able to be successful you were kind of considered lucky because not everyone could do that. So the question is what sets us apart when it comes to how we handle stress, injuries and trauma? How do we tap into our own post traumatic growth? And how can we get a handle on the triggers that are so often left behind? Some of the topics we'll touch on today might be difficult to hear. And so this is your opportunity right now to set your own personal boundaries. My guest today is agape Garcia. Agape is a post traumatic growth strategist, a whole life coach and an energy consults certified high performance coach. She has a tenacious attitude towards empowering others. Over the past 35 years, she's navigated through domestic violence, privacy, safety, vulnerability and the mindset to endure personal adverse events in life. Her survival of a double attempted homicide, well, eight months pregnant, and the desperation to survive became the catalyst to the foundation of BYI s which she will explain momentarily, while achieving an undisputed outlook of independence. Agape his personal journey of post traumatic growth has led to dedicating her life and developing transformational programs, various forms of coaching certification courses and establishing a nonprofit to help real time victims with real time resources. Her commitment is to provide lifelong transformational habits that can restore your powerful internal sense of awareness and control. One of her personal statements you don't live anywhere but in your head, is why some of her laser focus teachings are on aligning your mental and emotional belief system. So let's start our work in today with Agape Garcia. Welcome Agape.
Speaker 1 4:06
Wow. Thank you for having me here. What an honor and a privilege.
Ericka Thomas 4:12
Well, I really appreciate you taking the time. I know you are a busy busy mom. So let's just dive in. I'd love for you to introduce yourself Agape and and give us a little bit of your background kind of set up the story for how you got to where you are, right now in resilience and also in your coaching business if you put
Agape Garcia 4:41
Wow, okay,
Ericka Thomas 4:44
so I know I know. It's a long long story. I know it's a long story. And I'd love to just jump in as you tell it to kind of tease out some of the important points because this really is all about post traumatic growth. And I'm hoping that your story can really help others to not feel alone in their journey.
Agape Garcia 5:09
Absolutely. Okay. So I will dive as deep as possible as early as I was pushed out involuntarily. So I would have to say that, you know, while my mother was pregnant with me, her and my father were married, but they were in a toxic relationship. So while I was a fetus, I am sure that I endured some trauma at that early because of what they were going through. And when I was two years old, my my mother decided to leave the her marriage and the house and I had a younger sister at the time. She was a year younger than me and when my mother left, that was it. She packed her bags and she left meaning that she left her children behind in the same environment that she herself had just left from. So about six months after my mother had left my sister was diagnosed with cancer. And so that became a life taking disease because back then they didn't have the technology and the resources that they have today. And so I lost my baby sister, shortly after she was diagnosed. So by the time I was not even four by before the age of four, I had lost my mother, I had lost my sister and my father was completely checked out. So I had no idea as an innocent child that everything a child could possibly have as a void. I inherited almost overnight. And no one really checked my dad like how he was dealing with it, what he was doing what he wasn't doing. You know, mental health was not a thing back then. It was just however you cope with it. It's how it's how you cope with it. There really wasn't any support. Systems that I am aware of back then. And definitely, you know, the family that I that I had at the time was not as far as I'm aware, you know, checking him on that either they it was very dysfunctional. So I do have some hands. Nobody had children. I'm the only child so I spent so much of my entire life by myself. Meaning when I say my dad was checked out, I mean, totally checked out. He worked third shift and slept all day. So you know, some of my hands I think, to this day, just feeling sorry for me, the innocent child, you know, they stayed around a little bit longer than what they needed to or helped out a little bit more than what they you know, needed to, but they were all young and as they grew up, they left the house as well. So I would say bye. I know for a fact by kindergarten I was already walking to school by myself to and from, by first grade. I was leaving school and going to the cemetery to do my homework because the cemetery was closer to school than where I lived. And that was the only place that I felt like I had an actual bond with something or somebody. And that was with my deceased sister at her gravesite. So as a little girl, I'm here walking through the cemetery knowing my way, and then just like laying across the ground, doing homework, actually feeling like I'm with somebody or I'm like I'm bonding. So there were a lot of walks to and from that I was crying my eyes out and it was more so because of my mother. Like, how could a mother leave? I wasn't looking at my dad. I was looking at my mother. You know what how could she Where is she? Why would she? You know, just feeling that. That's that abandonment. Yeah, you know,
Ericka Thomas 9:07
yeah. So what what you are describing sounds like what could be diagnosed as complex trauma, right, which is not always what's like something happening to you, but it's sometimes like living in a state where you are not being cared for where you're where you don't know where you're not getting enough of what you need at that point in your life. Right. So it's, it's, it's both of those things that can come together and for a child that young. I mean, what was the difference for you because you know, you don't sound like a victim. You have not moved into this victim mentality. It doesn't sound like you identify with the things that have happened to you where you've come from. So what what do you feel like was the was a difference?
Agape Garcia 10:10
Well, I would have to say that it was more of having the instincts as a child of survival mode. So for example, you know, by, I would say third grade, fourth grade, I was already in any and every after school activity possible. I was already going to friends houses after school, I was already doing recreational activities at the park when I got to like fifth grade and sixth grade, you know, plus during that time I'm you know, fighting. I was a fighter. I wanted to fight everybody, I guess I had built up anger inside I don't know. But, you know, I was delivering newspapers. I was mowing lawns. I was washing cars. I was cleaning houses. I was babysitting, because I needed to put bread. I needed to put peanut butter and jelly. I needed to put cereal and milk. You know, in my own kitchen. Yes, my father provided a roof over my head and to him that all he was obligated to do. So I that was my life up until eighth grade, eighth grade. So I was at all of my grammar school life. I was doing everything to spend my time anywhere but home. I found a way I found a way to fulfill my voice not even realizing that that's what I was doing. I was just a kid. You know, because sometimes it would be so quiet that it was like this loud ringing in your ear. And it's a lonely space. It's a lonely place. And then all you could do is ask, you know why? And I could only do that for so long doing that keeps you there because sometimes you don't have answers for other people's actions. They are what they are. It's about what you can do and what you're going to do with yourself. So when I became teenager, by that time, we had already moved around like basically when the lease was up. So where we we went to we went to another neighborhood so I learned the whole entire city. I'm from Chicago. I learned the whole city because every year we were moving and you know, I didn't grow up in the in the best parts. So I had a lot to deal with outside my door. You know, I saw, you know, the gangbangers, the prostitutes, the alcoholics. My dad dragged me around when he was going to his friend's house when he was going to his parties. When he was doing his stuff. I was exposed to things that you would shelter a child from. So I also had to find ways to dodge the danger as a kid, so I already had situational awareness I was already well aware of my surroundings, paying attention to you know activities in around me. And I had many of friends that, you know, went through a lot whether, you know, they got shot in broad daylight or dumped because they had a collar on the wrong side of the street. I mean, you name it, there was anything and everything in harm's way. For me personally, inside and outside my door. You know, because when my dad was around, he was dealing like I said, he cooked the way that he had to go.
Ericka Thomas 13:20
Sure, sure. So everybody in the family everybody in the in in that situation is coping, right so you're the child and you're coping in your way and the adults copes in their way and those ways don't always help each other, I would guess.
Agape Garcia 13:38
Right? And I would have to say that my my blessing in disguise was that you know, I had a lot of friends that had mothers that won't be in so I was I in turn was blessed with so many different moms like I was raised by what I call like the pack of wolves, you know, and what what a what an awesome, like gift because the one that I had was too coward to even faze her own. So I cannot even imagine what I would like what footsteps I would have followed in versus who I am today because of these strong women that knew how to stand up for themselves that would, you know, talk to me about that situational awareness that I was referring to earlier and you know, like textbook style by the time I was in high school, I was a freshman sophomore year. I was in love. I was 14 I already had work ethic. I already knew how to get around. I was stealing the car. I knew how to take the bus to train wherever I wanted to go. I mean, you couldn't tell me anything. I was ready to live in the world. And I did. I dropped out of high school I decided to like, you know, run off with this guy. And you know, it was so toxic. I mean, we were literally like, oh my gosh, I think I chipped my tooth or he chipped my tooth. I mean, we were so physical was so ugly. We were together five, six years. It was not until I had my daughter that I was like, holy cow. I'm not doing this. I am not doing what my mother did. I'm not gonna let anybody do what my father did. I'm done. I am done. And as much as I wanted to try to have you know, a family and do things different. If two people are not on the same page, you're not gonna get anything that you want. And if it's about your child, and that is your main focus, then those other people are not as important. Yeah, no, yeah. And I'm sorry, I was gonna say and I packed my bags, and I left also but I took my baby with and when I left. I'm telling you, I went to a basement that have no heat that had no kitchen that has a mentor brick walls, and I made a little living space for me and my baby. There was a bathroom. There was a facility thing. And I had space heaters. That's all we need it
Ericka Thomas 16:10
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you did exactly what you needed to do in that survival mode. And I think I just wonder when we have when when you're stuck if you get stuck in survival. Can it be is it unrealistic to expect expect people to to tap into these top down mental health tools that's that you hear about to make a difference for them? Or is it? Is it more important for people to take action to change something that they're physically doing?
Agape Garcia 16:58
Yeah, so I mean, that's that's two different answers here because one is my opinion. And my opinion is, you know, absolutely, you should always, you know, seek help and get, you know, some some tools and techniques that are actually working for you. You know, however, you know, my reality is that nobody is willing to take tools or take techniques or try to apply or see what the outcome is going to be if they're not ready. The first thing that you need to do is acknowledge that something is a little bit bigger than you and that maybe instead of finding somebody that has all these wonderful credentials at the back of their name, maybe just finding somebody that has you know, tools and techniques that work but that have gone through a similar situation. So they really have this connection and understanding opposed to this. Like it's almost like read a book on how to raise a kid. Yeah, okay, right.
Ericka Thomas 17:55
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't always go by the book when you're raised. Yeah.
Agape Garcia 18:02
Exactly. So, so yeah, absolutely. You know, and that's, but it has to start there. It has to start like, I break it down to ways where it's like, okay, how long? At what point do you say okay, how long have I been feeling like this or going through this? Or when am I identifying that I've developed a natural healthy habit pattern for myself or have it for myself? And if it's been a couple of months, it's time for you to ask like, Okay, if I don't look at the calendar and put a deadline to when this has got to stop, then it's kind of like just giving you permission. To continue going.
Ericka Thomas 18:36
Right. And yeah, well in your story. I mean, your daughter was a big reason for you to change your situation. Right.
Agape Garcia 18:46
100% I went back to get my GED. On the last day of my GED. I've signed up to go to college. I was like, I didn't want anything to do with him. I wanted to do right by my daughter. And just because I left does not mean that the drama stopped. I mean, he came and he like kidnapped my kid. I had to throw myself on a moving vehicle. While it was like a movie scene. It was the most ridiculous thing. Things that I have gone through with him. And not I mean, like, okay, here I have to share to you more with you more of my story because after he left the states because he got himself into that much trouble on the street. He left the state. I felt like okay, who's a race you know, off of me, but not really because I had to deal with his mother. And his mother was very manipulative and successful and brainwashing me by reminding me how I didn't have a mother and because I didn't have a mother, I don't know how to be a mother and what do I understand for a child and what it was insane and she was successful at doing that? Until I got to a place where she was like, Oh, you shouldn't work full time because you need to stay. You know, collecting food stamps, and I'm like, Okay, now you're like really crazy. And I'm done. I moved out of the city moved into the suburbs, like just changed my job changed everything. And this is now my daughter's going on seven years of age right almost eight and here I am, you know, in in school going for my Bachelor's doing well at my job paying every single bill by myself. I had a setup where the school that she goes to his across the street my job is three blocks to the west. The babysitter's five blocks to the Eve even if I have a flat tire, nobody's missing a day of school or work. Like I fit down to a frigging science. Every second was accounted for. You couldn't tell me anything. And then I meet somebody new shoes. And this was not in my plan at all. But here he was the gentleman helpful, great family, friends, whatever. Everything was fantastic. We dated for a while. Why say a while like a year and some change. And, you know, he is offered a job across the states and extends the opportunity because at this point, I am pregnant with his child. And I was I wasn't Yeah, so leaving, you know, the hood is the success of every person that you know makes it out. So let's go. He went first to get acclimated to the area and the job and everything I had to you know, do the right thing with school, my school, my daughter's school, my job. I wanted to time everything properly. And so I did and I ended up driving out there seven months pregnant you know, 1000 miles away from home. And it took about three weeks for our stuff to arrive. So when I got there first because we drove my daughter and I and you know it was more about getting, you know, to acclimated with the area, getting to know the doctors making sure that she doesn't miss a beat at school, you know, that type of thing more laser focus on nesting getting prepared. And so when my when our items arrived, and I'm you know happy unpacking, and I come across the remnants of another female while I'm unpacking, putting my stuff away. And my heart is pounding through my chest. My eyes are bulging through my face and I'm like, okay, okay, hold on. I'm trying to remember did he have family over here was there like, you know, some sort of guide three, you know, thing thing thing thing thing? I don't I don't want to. I don't want to you know, assume the words or make accusations. This guy you know, I trust him. He has shown me no sign of violence or we even got into a huge fight that I you know, provoked before we left because I really wanted to make sure like I did everything. And I chose to wait until the day passed. I picked up my daughter from school, made dinner and did everything like normal, waited for her to go to sleep. And I said, you know there's something that I want to ask you because when I was unpacking today, I was really surprised to find the belongings of another female and I have no idea. You know who this belongs to? And he was like, you were going through my stuffs. And I said, No, I wasn't going through your stuff. I said I was unpacking putting my stuff away. And before I could finish my sentence he had already smacked me to the floor. And that fast as soon as I was on the floor, he's sitting on my pregnant stomach. While he's sitting on my pregnant stomach. He has his left hand around my neck and his right hand close fist punching me over and over and over in the head. And I'm like squirming and squirming. I don't know what kind of noise I'm making. I'm just I don't even remember that much until I hear my daughter's voice. I hear my daughter's voice at the top of the stairs. Mom, mom. And all of a sudden I felt this adrenaline that felt like fire entering my feet and I just said that's my daughter and my feet slammed on the floor. My neck was used as a kickstand. My hips are thrust into the ceiling to get him to roll over me. I have no idea how I popped up on my feet. By the time I ran behind the couch. Her foot was taking that last step off that stair. I grabbed her little hand and we ran out the door like that barefoot in pajamas with nothing and I'm pounding on the neighbor's door that had their light on please please not the right like next door neighbor but out like that have that little complex and please I need to use the phone. I didn't use the phone thank goodness, they had kids. This was like 1130 at night. They were up still so I didn't wake them up. And I you know just ask please let me use your phone. Please put my daughter with your kids over there to just play. You know, and I'm calling you know 911 explaining everything's going on. And I just remember laying there across the stairs crying and crying and crying. Asking like I cannot believe that is this is this. Is this religious happened in less than five minutes is my life just now flipped upside down. I have nothing I left my job voluntarily. I left my friends my community center community support excuse me, every single thing that I ever knew everything. And now this is my reality. I don't even know if my unborn child is okay. What am I going to do? I don't even know I'm in a brand new state. Is he going to come out of jail tonight after they take him? Like oh my gosh. Let me tell you something. There is no shelter right now in the middle of the night that will take you in. There is no immediate resources that are available that are available and as you're going directly to the emergency room. And I felt like what I needed to do was when the cops got there, let them know what happened. I had no marks on my face. They were all behind my ear, purple, blue green, already swollen and lumps and colorful. They were able to take pictures. They told me based on how I explained everything and where the marks were that they felt that it was like almost premeditated. I didn't know I didn't know what a covert narcissist was. I was used to physical violence, verbal violence, different kind of violence. I didn't know or understand or even see that this man took all of my independence everything that I had to sustain myself and my my child and waited till I have nothing and was under his 100% Bekins call and I stayed up all night. I didn't sleep at all. I cried and cried and cried in such disbelief. I had no energy. Or I don't want to say I had I could only cry for so long. I have to literally look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. Splash cold water on my face and yell at myself in the mirror. Yo yell at myself. You need to pull yourself together. You cannot sit here and wonder why he did what he did. You have got to do what you got to do. Stop asking yourself why and get the strength to go and do what you got to do. Look at your children. You're about to have one and three weeks. What are you going to do? You have got to do it because I wasn't gonna go back home. I was already labeled high risk that there was not gonna let me go anywhere. I was literally stuck. I had I had you know, those three I was gonna give birth. It was 3035 47 days after that incident and then I talked to doctors into giving me C section 10 days earlier so I had 37 days. To figure it all out. I waited for my daughter to get out of school.
I mean, I'm sorry, excuse me. I knew that when my daughter was getting out of school, a week later my son was going to be born and what was I going to do? Where was I going to go? I had 37 days to figure it all out on my own. And I was too embarrassed to even call who they're gonna go. I have no mother. My father is checked out. That relationship never really changed. I have no brothers no sisters, my aunts they've already gone on with their life and they I already kind of know their mindset is like well those were your decisions. You made your bed you lie in it. You know that's, that's what we get. So if it wasn't for my childhood and having to survive instinctively as a kid, I don't think I would have had the tenacity to go and stand in line for food stamps go and stand in line for shelter go and stand in line for funerals assisting going to stand and fight and go and go to the courthouse and testify even though I shrunk like a punk on the stage and my boys went from this to yes he did that to me. You know, I still want to I still did it. I even though it was a terrible, you know, whatever. I still brushed through and did it. And if I didn't have that childhood of having a fight for myself, I probably would not have had that strength to fight that type of a fight as as a single woman with an eight year old daughter and a brand new baby boy nothing
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Agape Garcia 30:01
And the middle of nowhere, no family, no friends, no. No community brands skipping no to the area.
Ericka Thomas 30:10
So, so this story is so powerful about Bay and I just want to thank you for sharing it because I truly believe that every podcast every radio show every every broadcast of any kind, like we can hear something important when we need to. And I really feel like this is why it's important to speak stories like this because someone out there needs to hear this. And someone sometime is going to listen to your story and feel that strength for themselves. And so I really, really appreciate your sharing that this is where your bys program comes from. Yes. This was well catalyst for this change this, this, this desire to help other people in this way.
Agape Garcia 31:22
Well, yes or no? Yes. Because of all of the trauma I've been thrown. And no, because I would have to say that what really truly sparked it was when my daughter was getting ready to leave the nest. And she said to me, Mom, I love you for who you are being the helicopter mom, you were even though I couldn't get away with anything and I don't think I enjoyed as much as my childhood as I couldn't have as it relates to getting in trouble. Because you were always there. She said, I know you did your best to protect and provide That's what you always said you were doing. She said but you were you were emotionally unavailable. I could reach out to you and touch you at any given time. But emotionally, you were not there. And I was like, what? And I took it so personal for about 24 hours.
Ericka Thomas 32:23
That's like a knife to the heart.
Agape Garcia 32:29
To the ribs I mean, buttons, right? Yeah, because for me, I was like, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't have that emotional intelligence. quite yet. So being in that survival mode, I was always in extreme independence mode, which doesn't let much wiggle room in. I'm on a tight ship. You can't you can't intervene. Every second is accounted for, like I said, so. I had to honor her feelings because they're hers. She was the recipient. And I do know that I've always had a tendency of having to suck it up and move forward because that was my life and I had no choice because there wasn't anybody that I could go crying to. That nobody me and the wall. You know what I'm saying? And so it was like, if I didn't do it, if I didn't make the change, if I didn't shift, how I was feeling. It wasn't going to change. So I unknowingly instill that same concept into her but that's not her love language. So I ended up getting the book The Five Love Languages. I made her you know, and myself go through we had to take the test. We kind of identified what the love languages were. We were still kind of going back and forth. I ended up you know, at this stage in my life I was able to afford you know, a three day event with her and I obviously, any given day prior to that event, there was no resources and no funds available, no time available for me or my kids to go through any type of coaching or counseling or anything. You know, their school. There's work that it was too much. So I heard and I go through it and then like I said The Five Love Languages and and it took a while like I was really trying to be different and she thought I was being sarcastic and I was like I'm really trying and if you think I'm being sarcastic and pushing me
Speaker 3 34:29
away, I'm gonna go back to what I was. You want to do you don't want to make up your mind.
Agape Garcia 34:36
Passionate so that is where I decided that I do want to you know do have a coaching be your incredible self because after so much trauma and you can give and do your best. And even somebody that you love so much your own and that there's no other bond like a mother and daughter bond and to and to hear that you gave the best and you thought in your brain and in your heart that give protecting and providing and that was your whole entire life. That's what you did for your kid and for your child to feel like there's no emotional bonds. Oh my gosh, you know, so because today we do have a bond and we are so incredibly respectful and loving on each other and just we do have a fantastic relationship now be incredible self really started in forms because I knew that we both did that. We both did that. And we both became our incredible selves for each other, you know. And the other thing that this is gonna sound kind of funny when I told you that that adrenaline rush through my body and I was able to roll him off of me. I felt like I turned into the incredible She Hulk. ok people knew about the Incredible Hulk they don't know about the incredible she Hulk. She's stronger and she's smarter. And I felt like I entered into the incredible city. Hall with that adrenaline and so be your incredible self is not just about the mind. It's also about your core, your heart. You have to have heart. The strength comes from your heart.
Ericka Thomas 36:16
Yeah. And your your story and your relationship with your daughter all of this over the years is is really what we're talking about when we're talking about post traumatic growth. So how does how does emotional fitness and mental fitness kind of fit into that puzzle when people are trying to start to grow through and past whatever trauma story they may have.
Agape Garcia 36:52
Okay, so you broke up a little bit. I think I understood the question. That's okay. So between the emotional and the mental trauma, so mind body connection, right. So where your thoughts go, your energy flows, where you're thinking in your head, that is how you're moving in the world. That's how you're responding to people. That's how you are navigating. That's what you believe because that's where you are in your head. And so, if you're thinking negatively, your energy level is going to follow that negativity, and it's draining. And what I talked about what anxiety and triggers is those physiological changes that you're able to recognize within your body because as soon as you know where these emotions reside, within, as soon as you feel it, you can then logically intercept that emotion right on the spot. And you know, I don't like to use mind over matter, but I do I do use it. I don't like to use it because my daughter feels like she's hurting all her life. But it is really how I go about it mind over matter. Because if when is like the placebo, what you believe is what it's going to be. So I talk about the core. You know who's in your core, who can move you who can shake your core if people are seeking your core that aren't in your, in your realm, you know, like your direct family, whoever is under your roof, then you need to check that because people shouldn't be able to get to your core if they're not a part of that core. You understand what I'm saying?
Ericka Thomas 38:43
Right? Right. So sounds like you're talking about being able to establish really strong boundaries with the people who are around you and and who are meaningful to you and who should not be meaningful to you. Is that
Agape Garcia 39:00
Yes, identify who, family friends, it's like the layers of the layers of who's important prioritized in your life. You know, like, if it's my daughter, she's gonna shake my core. If it's, you know, a friend probably not so much as to you know,
Ericka Thomas 39:19
yeah, so speak, I've heard you speak a little bit about non negotiables. Right. So establishing some non negotiables. Can you explain a little bit about that because I really love that that concept.
Agape Garcia 39:33
Absolutely. So here's a few of my personal non negotiables you are not going to hit me. You are not going to lie to me and think that it's okay. I am not going to be disrespected what and what my definition of disrespect is, and I tell people, you know if you don't know who you are coming out of a traumatic situation, that's totally normal. But make sure you know who you're not. Because when you know who you're not, you're still able to establish those boundaries. And don't necessarily look at them like boundaries for other people. Those are your boundaries for yourself, because at the end of the day, after going through a traumatic situation that you had no control over, you know, you have a lot of self doubts. And trust is a major, major factor. And trusting yourself. Trusting your personal judgment again, trusting what you're seeing, trusting what you're feeling is that trust that you need to build within in order to do anything outwardly. And, you know, I'll save I'll save my comment that you said you had.
Ericka Thomas 40:42
Yeah, okay. So since we are running to the end of our time together, I got Bae sadly. I will finish with our final question and then we'll then I definitely want you to share how people can get in touch with you. So our final question on the work in is always what is your personal work? In? And how do you apply that? What brings you balance, what brings you joy? What works for you?
Agape Garcia 41:16
My work in is understanding that my brain is the biggest muscle in my body. And if I can have positive brain reps, those thoughts, those repetitions, positive thoughts, then I will habitually become aware of those thoughts and they will be there more consistently because I'm making a conscious effort to practice those thoughts. If it's setting a timer on my it is I don't want to say if it what works for me is I set a timer on my calendar every single day, three times a day. When when I hear that alarm going off, I already know it is my statement of what I'm grateful for, who I am, what I represent, what may get in my way, how I can avoid it. And what I'm going to do if something takes me off of my center. So that's for my morning, midday I gauge where I'm at, you know, and then I also have my positive affirmations and then between dinner and before bed, same thing, same as being is a reflection of the day and then what can I do better for tomorrow? And it's it stays on a positive note and it gets to a point where when you're doing that consistently because as you know, consistency is where you know, habits are formed and you need to be conditioned for the positive. Once that alarm goes off, you don't even have to look at it anymore. You already know what it says
Unknown Speaker 42:51
you already know and
Ericka Thomas 42:54
we can you go back and you've listed off those things that you remind yourself of can you list those off one more time for people because I think that those are super important.
Agape Garcia 43:06
Of course, who you're who you are what you stand for. Or what's your, what your purpose is for the day. What can possibly take you off your center, how you would eliminate that and I probably have to look at my calendar sorry lunchtime and ageing where you are in the middle of the day and have a few affirmations for yourself. And then at the end of the day, it's reflecting on if you're able to stick to what you want it to do your intentions for the for the day in the morning and then what you want to do better tomorrow.
Ericka Thomas 43:50
Nice, nice. Well, we have this recorded locally so people can go back and listen to this things over and over again. And of course there'll be in the show notes and speaking of the show notes, if you've been wanting to work with you about a or if they wanted to follow you or get in touch with you or share with you, where can we find you?
Agape Garcia 44:12
Oh my gosh, thank you for asking. I'd have two different places to be found. The one thing I didn't touch on today is a major car accident. I was just in OH Not even 18 months ago. I only had a 1% chance of surviving. I literally was broken from head to toe and had a 1% chance of making it. So being in the trauma center being an ICU but learning how to walk and write and all that stuff again. It has been a journey and we will be your incredible self.com all spelled correctly. Same thing for the social media handles if you just put in beer critical so you will find me it's clear about post traumatic growth and if you want to support the mission for real time victims of domestic violence that need to relocate because they have a safe place to go to but not the means to get there. I did establish a nonprofit called confronting domestic violence. And that website is confrontingdv.org And we're looking we just launched so we're looking for volunteers, sponsors, partnerships, anybody who wants like to support our mission and help save lives and give children a second chance.
Ericka Thomas 45:27
That sounds amazing Agape, definitely go to the shownotes because all of those links will be there and to reach out on social media. I think that is a fantastic cause. and I would love to support that in the future as well. I got you. Yeah, thank you so much for joining us today on the work in I really enjoyed your story. and again, thank you so much for being here and sharing your incredible journey. Thank you for having me.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Hey there!
I’m your host Ericka Thomas. I'm a resilience coach and fit-preneur offering an authentic, actionable realistic approach to personal and professional balance for coaches in any format.
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