That Hideous Perfection
Transcript
Today's present moment, messy question of the day...
I am a recovering perfectionist. As a woman who was raised in the post feminist culture with the charge to have it all, do it all and be everything to everyone my perfectionist viral load runs pretty high. Perfectionism is an insidious kind of infection that destroys the ability to set healthy boundaries and over a lifetime cuts you off from any kind of friendly connection with yourself. That includes physical armoring, undermining our own emotional integrity and creating an internal toxic state of mind that leads to confusion and paralyzing self doubt.
Yeah- not a good way to live but it’s catastrophic for business and entrepreneurship. Now I can only speak for myself as a female business owner but I have stumbled on a contradiction in the business, mindset & success coaching world that I find to be very destructive.
Most coaches will coach on the dangers of being a perfectionist. Mostly because it can prevent you from taking action in your and moving forward in your life. And this is true.
But in the very next breath you might hear that it’s not about what you do it’s about who you are that makes you successful. And then the question: Who do you have to be in order to reach your goals?
Now I understand the purpose of asking these questions. We’re not born with habits of success. We have to choose to do the things that will bring us success everyday if we want to rise above the cult of mediocrity that most of us are swimming in. But asking those questions assumes that we know who we are to begin with. Perfectionists rarely do, not really.
Perfectionism doesn’t come from a deep self awareness and clarity of purpose. In fact for many, myself included, my perfectionism resulted in sacrificing every dream I truly had for myself on the altar of society’s ideal woman, wife, mother. Dreams are selfish, vision requires an asterisk.
So when a coach asks who you need to be in order to achieve your goals, to achieve success, my question is what is wrong with who I am? Why do I need to be anyone other?
We can't coach people to give up the self destructive armor of perfectionism in favor of authenticity and in the next breath ask them to become someone else in order to be successful. You can’t be authentic while you fake it till you make it.
There are better questions that should take time to answer. Who are you without your armor? What is your purpose and why? What are you going to do about it? When those things come into alignment there’s no door that won’t open for you.
Thanks for listening to this messy Q. I hope it opens some doors for you. I’d love to hear what you think about it. You can follow me on Fb at elementalkineticsmovewell or on instagram @elementalkinetics.
I’m Ericka
I teach a powerfully effective modality called trauma release exercise that works through the body without the need to relive the story.
Whether your fight is on the frontline or the home front, past or present, personal or professional... chronic stress & stress injury can be a debilitating enemy.
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